you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
