apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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