I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
