There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
