I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
