I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The air was thick with penises
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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