u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
