I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
