I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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