I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
