These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
