For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
