haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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