I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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