After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how do flat chested girls get laid?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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