I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
