I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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