Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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