The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
