after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
