so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
