im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
