1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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