I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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