then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
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