I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
