Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
