Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
