between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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