Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
