In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
