she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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