Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
