Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
