my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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