im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You can't special order awesome
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
