I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
