Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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