theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
