She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
