omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
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fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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