Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
