Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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