You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
