dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
