I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
