why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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