Quick, to the slutcave!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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