Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
