Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
