Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
