Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
