Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
