All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
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Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Your penis caused this!
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