Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize