So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
