I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
