i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
