My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
