Cold hands, warm shart.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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