God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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