She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
