There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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