Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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