You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
