Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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