I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
