I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sarcasm needs its own font
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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