the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize