Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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