Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
