Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
