I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
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This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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