i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
