My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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