I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
