so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
