Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
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