READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
