I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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