He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
