I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
