sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
